


The Butterfly In the Leather Jacket

by sepphoraeverill



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, F/F, Feels, Fluff and Angst, Lena is a Badass Business Bitch, Mild Sexual Content, Seriously...there's a LOT of Angst, kara is an artist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2020-09-08 03:00:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20289103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sepphoraeverill/pseuds/sepphoraeverill
Summary: Kara is an artist. Intrigued by Lena, she posts a picture on her blog. The art, however, receives an unexpected reaction. The  business woman gets offended by Kara's bold attempt to intrude her privacy and takes active measures.





	1. All fiction is art, but not all the art is fiction

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
> 
> The work has been inspired by and is based on the television series Supergirl.  
I do not own the characters and canon events of the show. They are owned by the CW Network.
> 
> I do not intend to be offensive towards anyone, if anything written can be perceived as harmful to any community or person, I apologize, but that was not the purpose of this work.

Kara studied the screen one last time and pressed publish. Feeling accomplished, she exhaled and closed her eyes. Kara had been wanting to do that for a while now. Not that she found herself a brilliant writer, who could give any meaningful message to the world, this case was purely selfish. She wanted to write this description for herself, hoping to understand why her subconscious was intrigued by this woman so much. Lena Luthor was the most famous person in National City. Cold-hearted, badass Scorpio business bitch, she has the entire city at her feet, she was powerful, intelligent, and incredibly irresistible. It's like some invisible power was surrounding her, making people forget who they were and blindly follow the one and only queen. Kara hated this feeling - the feeling of cluelessness; she was a pragmatic person with a need to understand things so, it was not surprising that Lena's image kept haunting her.

Kara first noticed Lena years ago, long before the woman became known worldwide. Back then she was just Lex Luthor’s sister. Lex, who went crazy and hurt thousands of innocent people, and as a result, was given 37 consecutive life sentences. Lena was just another Luthor back then. Kara has been following the news, she was well aware of the rebranding of Luthor-Corp and its new CEO, but she wasn't quite interested in these events as her mind was occupied with building her own small creative bubble. By the time Luthor-Corp became L-Corp led by the most outstanding woman ever known, Kara had successfully opened a little independent online store, where she was selling her art pieces; her blog has a few thousand followers, which was not anything crazy or a lot, but it gave Kara an opportunity to express herself and also paid the bills. That was a simple and comfortable life: doing what you enjoy, sharing that part of yourself with people, making the world a little brighter with art. That was more than enough until it wasn't.

Kara had never liked living in a big city. She preferred the slow, quiet pace of Midvale to 24/7 businesses, loudness and rush of National City. She wanted to be by herself in her small studio with a cup of hot chocolate, in fuzzy socks, drawing cute pictures of puppies, flowers and fantasy creatures. That was her happy place. However, Kara missed her sister dearly, and despite her feelings towards loud, busy places, she tried to visit Alex as much as their schedules allowed.  
That's how she found herself witnessing a heated conversation between Sam and Nia one of those days when she came to National City for their annual reunion.  
"You can't be serious!" yelled Sam through the laughter, "You choked on champagne when Lena Luthor looked at you?!"  
Nia, who was a junior editor for National City's Vogue, gave Sam a stern look, "For your information, she didn't just casually passed by and glanced at me, she stopped for a nanosecond and made that gesture with her head", Nia tried to copy it by jerking her head slightly towards Sam, "Like, if saying _-Oh, Miss Nal, I see you're here too_."  
Sam burst into laughter "No way on Earth Lena Luthor would have said anything like that!"  
To Kara's surprise, Nia didn't look even slightly defeated; she was laughing too, "I know, right? So, that's when I choked instead of giving her at least a polite smile."  
Kara felt out of place, logically she knew who Lena Luthor was, but she couldn't understand why the women were laughing, or why that was a conversation piece in the first place. She cleared her throat to get their attention and looked at Nia. "Why didn't you just say hello afterward?"  
Both women looked at her like she was an alien. Nia frowned and dramatically placed her hand on Kara forehead "Kara, are you okay? It's Lena Luthor who we're talking about! Hello? We - mortals, can't just talk to her all of a sudden."  
Since Kara didn't say anything, Sam and Nia continued to gossip about the events of the gala, but Kara no longer paid any attention, her mind drifted to wondering, why Lena Luthor was so untouchable, why did she put up so many boundaries around herself, what was she hiding behind those walls and security protocols. Since that very evening, Kara couldn't find any peace; she kept thinking about Lena; she needed to find out the truth.

Nia was the one to call Kara about an hour after she made the post on her blog. She sounded excited but also very concerned, "Oh my God, Kara, this is something else! How did you even? This is freaking awesome! But, as a public figure myself, I find it disturbing, and I'm afraid I need to ask you to take it down." Nia's ability to be a dork and a professional simultaneously has always amazed Kara. How could one person carry two different personalities inside themselves at once, how didn't she go insane. Kara bit her lip, "I...I'm not quite sure what you are talking about."  
Nia laughed, "Bullshit! Listen, I don't know and probably don't want to know, how you managed to get such tender information on our Ice Queen, but honestly, you should take it down. If her security team or even worse - she sees this post, you might get in trouble."  
Kara felt under attack. She hadn’t realized she had been so obvious; the blonde was sure she made that as fictional as possible. However, she didn't think of giving up, "I didn't do anything illegal. I only made a beautiful art piece and wrote a description. You've never had any problems with my work before, and this is not any different from what I usually create.'  
She held her breath and waited for Nia's reply, which came with a delay as if she was taking time to find something "Mhm, sure. Whatever you say, Kara. Only I'm looking at this woman right now, this gorgeous woman with a sharp jawline, black hair, and green eyes. A woman, who's trying to keep her black leather jacket closed around herself, but you still can see that breathtaking beautiful butterfly underneath, which is trying to break free from under the fabric, spreading the light on the woman's face, making her look more human, softer, more vulnerable. And the only thing I can see is Lena freaking Luthor.'  
Kara could feel she was losing it, her increasing panic was making her rumble, "Lena is not a thing! I mean...this is not Lena Luthor! This...I could have had anyone in mind. You don't know, that could have been a random actress. You can't be sure, that's the point of art. Art is fiction. Only the artist knows the story behind their pieces. Yes, an actress. Katie McGrath! That could have been Katie McGrath, who I pictured while drawing it. Or...or Lana Del Rey!"  
Nia sighed, "Lana Del Rey is not an actress, Kara. And you wrote, and I quote, _``It takes courage to hide your gentle, selfless, self behind the bulletproof glass of a city fortress, pretending to be invulnerable, wearing a heavy iron mask, and sacrificing yourself every day to change the world and make it a better place._" Her voice was soft and apologetic, "I'm just giving you a piece of advice as someone who's standing in front of the curtain alongside celebrities. Take it down, my friend. Fiction or not, it's only a matter of time before she finds out." And with that, the line went dead.  
Kara was sitting with the phone still pressed to her ear for a little while, processing what Nia just said.

As the weeks passed by, Kara was feeling calmer. Nothing had happened, and she was thinking, Nia was probably being overdramatic, which made sense due to her field of work. She was surrounded by all kinds of celebrities with different attitudes, of course, she was always prepared for the worst, that was part of her job, but Kara, on the other hand, was optimistic. There were a lot of comments on her blog; however, nobody was assuming that the woman was Lena Luthor. The entire world unconvincingly believed, there was nothing soft in her. Nia had never brought up the topic again, and Kara just continued her comfortable, creative life, as if nothing had ever happened.

Lena rubbed the bridge of her nose with two fingers. It was only 5 p.m., but she felt utterly exhausted after seven long meetings and hours of follow-ups ahead. She took a sip of her old fashioned and looked out the window. From the height of the L-Corp building, National City looked as if it were made of Legos, delicately spread around the most impressive skyscraper in California. Looking down, Lena thought what it was like to be one of those tiny humans in Lego city. What lives they had, what they did every day, how they feel, if they were happy. Happy. What is it like to be happy?  
She was so deep in thought, that she didn't realize her assistant had just entered her office, probably after several unanswered knocks. Jess cleared her throat, "Miss Luthor?"  
Lena turned in her chair to face the woman and raised an eyebrow. Jess hesitated for a second, "I'm sorry to bother you, Miss Luthor. I was knocking, but you were probably busy and didn't hear. I just wanted to check on you..."  
Jess was the sweetest person Lena had ever met; she was the best assistant she had ever had as well. So, Lena knew there was another reason behind the intention to invade her privacy, and without any doubt, that reason was worth the CEO's time.  
"It's okay, Jess, you don't need to explain yourself every time I'm too distracted to acknowledge your presence." Lena waved her to come in. "Is there something wrong?"  
The woman fidgeted with the tablet in her hands and gave a worried look, "I think, you might want to see this." She unlocked the device and moved to stand beside Lena's chair, slowly giving it to her.  
The picture on display felt like a shockwave, it settled in Lena's gut with an unpleasant buzz, leaving a note of worry and anxiety, but whatever she felt looking at the screen, her appearance didn't give away any of that. "Care to explain, what am I looking at exactly? Is this the time of year when L-Corp donates money for charity? An art exhibition?"  
Jess worried her bottom lip between her teeth, and with slightly trembling hands placed the tablet on her desk, "No, Miss Luthor. I think this is a picture of you. I'll leave it here and give you a moment. Call me when you're ready with the decision."  
Of course, that was her, that could not possibly be a coincidence. The only question was, how. How was that artist able to see something that was so well hidden inside, something that nobody besides Lena knew. In fact, she was not even sure, she still knew that part of herself. Lena got lost in her image years ago, and now it was already too late to remember who that person really was, and how that person really felt. But that picture, it brought back all those ghosts of emotions, which she once was able to have. That was unacceptable.  
"How dare you, Kara Danvers...", Lena whispered barely audible before pressing the button on the intercom. "Jess, could you get Cat Grant on the phone for me, please."  
"Right away, Miss Luthor."

Kara was having a pizza and potstickers night with friends at her sister's apartment in National City when her phone went off and startled them. Alex rolled her eyes, "How many times do I have to tell you - no phone during the family night? Even Nia turns hers off, and Nia got the phone instead of her brain." Nia chuckled, "I'm not even offended."  
Kara looked at the caller ID and didn't recognize the number. She declined the call and was about to turn the device off when the same number called again. The artist looked at the screen and mumbled, "Must be important, guys. What if it's a job offer. I should take this."  
She made a beeline to the kitchen, followed by the loud sounds of disapproval coming from her friends. Kara pressed the phone to her ear, hoping that it was a really important call. Otherwise, she'd be teased the entire evening, "Hello?"  
The voice at the other end of the line was cheerful, but professional, "Hello, is this Kara Danvers?" Kara didn't recognize the voice, "Yes, it's me. Who's speaking?"  
"Miss Danvers, this is Eve Teschmacher from Cat Grant's office. Miss Grant is the general counsel of L-Corp, and she would like to know when you will be available for a meeting, referring her client Lena Luthor. In the interest of both sides, this concern has to be dealt with as soon as possible so I could schedule your appointment for 10 a.m. tomorrow, if this is suitable for you, ma'am."  
Kara's heart stopped beating. "Fuck."


	2. The Voyage of Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to get a little bit more clear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys!  
Thank you for stopping by and reading! I've never written fics before and tbh I have no clue why so many of you liked it..but it's kinda super cool and made me happy and motivated to write more; also- I was probably too excited, and the plot took a slightly different direction from what I originally planned.  
Hope you still like it.

Alex stopped chewing, "Did my sister just say _fuck_?"  
"An emotional reaction could cause this kind of response after receiving exciting news," mumbled Brainy without looking up from his plate. He was the only man in the group, and most of the time struggled to adapt to casual conversations among women. The other reason for this was his scientific occupation and inexcusable high IQ. He has spent most of his life reading and doing research, until one day he met Nia. He tried very hard to catch up, and learn words and expressions which were used by people of his age, along with certain kinds of behavior. Nia was convinced after a while now, that this project was failing. However, that wasn't stopping her from loving Brainy.  
"Or on the contrary..."  
Alex gave Nia a worried look, "What do you mean?"  
She awkwardly shrugged, "The Ice Queen knows."  
Sam, who not only supported her girlfriend in everyday life events, also agreed with Alex, that Nia had sort of an obsession with the youngest Luthor, "Why is it so important for you to believe that Lena Luthor is the center of the world, and that she knows about every single move made in her direction?"  
As if revealing a secret, Nia whispered, "Because she is, and she does."

On the opposite side of the apartment, Kara could do nothing to fight the beginning of a panic attack. Her ears pulsed, making it impossible to hear anything except her racing heart; with every passing second, it was harder to breathe; her vision was becoming blurry.  
The voice on the phone broke her trance, "Pardon?"  
Kara was trying hard to even her breathing and make her brain work, but the only thing that she could master was one particular thought - _Oh, God, this is happening._

_It's been three weeks since Kara's mind started the journey of the voyage of discovery. Three weeks of longing to touch the untouchable, to see the invisible. It became a routine to listen to Lena’s interviews, and stare at her photos for hours, trying to decode the encryption. Kara should have felt like a stalker, but thinking about the younger Luthor seemed like the most natural thing in the world. It's a known fact that it takes 21 days to form a habit. Say, one wants to start working out. If they manage to last three weeks, there would be no need to force themselves any longer, the habit would develop, and from that very moment, everything is going to be easier. Only Kara didn't have to force herself; the need to understand her attraction towards Lena seemed somehow very important. The artist could almost taste the life-changing moment on the tip of her tongue._

_Kara has never considered the concept of a soulmate as something meaningful. That was poetic, not very real to life. Something that you could see in movies, but not experience yourself. However, when she looked into Lena's eyes, it felt like she saw her soul - bare of any masks, with no heavy labels. The blonde was not able to explain this feeling even if she wanted to. That was like some kind of invisible connection between the two of them. Like they knew each other from previous lives. Each time Kara looked at Lena's pictures, she felt warm waves filling her whole body; she felt at home. She also felt the unstoppable urge to reach for the other woman’s hand, wrap her in a tight hug, and stay like that forever, keeping the Luthor safe from this cruel world._

_Thinking about Lena, Kara mindlessly sketched on her tablet. She got so lost in thought, she didn't even realize that all these random lines have formed an image. That was a butterfly. Its wings painted with different kinds of watercolors, which created an abstract pattern. When Kara started to study that pattern, she suddenly felt at peace, - the colors were calming her down, spreading hope and happiness inside. She gasped and quickly added a few more lines, and then another, and some more. When she studied the image again, she smiled and whispered to herself, "Of course. You're not the Ice Queen. You're a kind, soft, beautiful soul, Lena. You have to be the woman of steel to fix what Lex has done. You carry his burden on these fragile shoulders and pretend to be immortal. It must be so difficult..."_

_On that image, there was Lena dressed casually in a black three-piece suit made out of leather, white shirt, black tie, hair in a tight high ponytail. Everything looked normal, except for one thing - there's a butterfly underneath the woman's jacket. The butterfly was trying to break free, but Lena as if being aware of it, kept the jacket closed around herself, not letting the creature escape. But you could still see the light coming from the butterfly here and there, and every spot of Lena's skin that was in contact with that light was different. It was bright and shiny as if the woman was carrying a bomb of happiness inside, and it accidentally exploded. The corner of her lip was up into a smile where the light touched it, and one eye was sparkling with bliss._

"Miss Danvers, are you still there?" That was not the first time Eve had to deliver some bad news over the phone, but never has anyone been silent for so long. With her free hand, Eve typed Jess a quick text -_ I think I just broke our artist._  
She had to suppress a chuckle when Jess replied - _Don't eat it all, save a piece for Lena._  
Jess and Eve met long ago during one of Lena's and Cat's first meetings, after which Cat became an official attorney for any case L-Corp had. Through the years, the two assistants became close. They were at the same page in life - too busy to be able to make friends outside of their work circle, and after a few casual lunches, they figured they had a lot in common and could be good friends.

Kara's legs were giving out, and she had to sink on the kitchen floor not to lose her balance. Her whole body was trembling, and her throat was so dry she didn't think she could trust her voice. However, what was clear was that Eve was getting impatient, "Miss Danvers, if this time doesn't work for you, I could offer 1 p.m."  
Making an attempt to swallow and failing with a loud choking sound, Kara shut her eyes tight and forced herself to reply as fast as she could, before cutting the call off, "I'm sorry. I'm here. Yes, 10 a.m. works. I'll be there. Thank you. Bye."

The group in the living room waited in silence. Fifteen minutes had passed since Kara disappeared into the kitchen, but she hadn’t returned yet. Alex was the first one to worry, "Okay, something is definitely wrong. I'm going to go and check on her."  
Alex softly knocked at the door, "Hey, are you okay? May I come in?" After a minute with no reply, she took a breath to steady her nerves and crack the door opened. Kara was sitting on the floor with her face buried in her hands. She was trying to steady her breathing. Alex rushed to her side, "Hey, hey, it's okay, I'm here, you're okay." She ran her hand through blonde locks, "Shh, it's going to be okay. Look at me."  
Kara looked at Alex, and the latest could see now how pale she was. The blonde whispered with a hoarse voice, "I...May I crash on your couch for a couple of days, if you and Sam don't mind?"  
"Of course, anytime. Tell me what happened, Kara. Please."

Sam, Nia, and Brainy tried to listen, but it was kind of tricky with the wall between them. "What do you think is happening in there?" Sam pointed at the closed kitchen door.  
"I would say, she's shook." Brainy declared proudly.  
Nia gave him a look, "Brainy, no! You can't use Twitter stan language in this kind of situation!"  
He shrugged, "Don't yell at me, lady. You said yourself that I need to learn how to use it." Sam only rolled her eyes.

Alex was stroking Kara's hair, waiting for her to calm down. The blonde fished her necklace from under the collar of her shirt and glanced at Alex, "Have I ever told you the story of how I got this?"  
Her sister looked at a silver butterfly decorated with stones of different colors between Kara's fingers and shook her head, "No."  
Kara chuckled bitterly, "The image of butterfly has been with me since I was a kid, you know, and since then it somehow guided me; it was like a personal kind of guardian for me." She focused her eyes on the object, "And now it led me here and now, and all of this is so overwhelming." She sighed and waved at her phone, "Lena sent her lawyer after me."  
Alex widened her eyes, "Wait. Lena like in the Lena Luthor?!"  
To her surprise, the corners of Kara's lips slightly moved as if to form a small smile, but she managed to hold it back, "Yeah. I'm going to have an appointment with the general counsel of L-Corp tomorrow morning."  
Alex looked at her sister in disbelief, "They would probably threaten you because they think you're some kind of stalker!"  
Kara finally let herself smile softly, "I know, and it's okay. I want to see her. I need to see her."

A few weeks after that phone call with Nia Kara's mind drifted to Lena again. She felt accomplished to be able to crack the business woman's encryption of herself, but she could feel there was something more profound. She was still not at peace. Like, she knew she was supposed to do something else, something more, but she couldn't put her finger on it. Trying to reach her subconscious, she played with the necklace she's been wearing most of her life when finally it hit her like a train. Kara's hand froze, and she turned pale as if seeing a ghost. She gulped, "Oh my God... This... This can't be..."

Alex grabbed Kara by the shoulders and turned the artist towards herself, so she would face her properly, "Have you lost your mind? What are you thinking, Kara? These people will eat you alive!"  
The blonde only smiled more; this time, the smile reached her eyes, but only for a moment. When she started talking, her features became serious with a hint of melancholy, "I've never told this story to anyone, Alex. When my parents and I lived in Ireland, I met that girl... I noticed her one day sitting by the lake, where I used to search for butterflies. She was about eight, she was absently looking at the water, and cried. I felt sorry and decided to soothe her a little. That's when we started talking. She said, her mother has died, and now her father is taking her to the US to live with his family there. She was terrified; she kept telling me they were evil, and everything would be different from now on. Everything was going to change, and she's scared to change too and become like her father. She gave me this necklace. She said it would make her feel better if somebody out there in the world keeps a piece of her old self, and if she changes, at least she'd know that there's one person who remembers her before she became somebody else. I promised her to keep this butterfly. Then we moved to the US as well because of my dad's job, and I was hoping to find the girl, but I realized that I’d never asked her her name back then. And then the car crash happened, the one that killed my parents and put me into a coma. When I woke up, things were pretty..." Kara paused and glanced at Alex.  
Her sister nodded, "Pretty fucked up. Yeah. Then my family adopted you, gave you our last name and a home, but you never seemed to recover entirely. Even now, when everything is back on track, you prefer to live in Midvale by yourself and don't like to socialize much." Alex took Kara's hand and squeezed.  
"Yeah," Kara squeezed back, "I think I felt I've missed so much while in that coma, that on some level I decided to never try to catch up. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for everything I have now, but there was always a feeling that something was missing. I’ve had it since the day I woke up, but I think I finally know what it is. That girl, Alex. I think that somewhere deep inside, I somehow felt connected to her, and when we moved, and I couldn't find her I didn't do anything, I just allowed myself stop thinking about her. Then came three years of darkness and depression...when I discovered art, emotions started to come back to me. I didn't know what to do until now, and now... Alex, the girl - is Lena Luthor."  
Alex blinked once, opened her mouth, but no words came out. She blinked twice. Then a few more times. She pointed at Kara with her index finger, then waved her hand like to erase something, tried to say something again and failed.  
Kara shrugged, "Thought you should know. That's why I'm fine with seeing Cat Grant. I have to get in touch with Lena; she needs to know it's me who she gave her necklace to 17 years ago, died, came back, still has it, and is here for her if she's still scared and needs that one person who remembers her before she had to become someone else."  
Alex stared at Kara as if she was the one, who just woke up from three years of coma. "Fuck."


	3. It's Time To Be Brave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day came...Kara finally has a meeting with Cat Grant. Would a particular Luthor be present?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, angst, my dear friend...

Lena was robbed of her childhood. She never got to experience the freedom of being a teenager with stupid decisions, silly mistakes, and irresponsibility. She was dragged straight into the empire of chess schemes applied to real life. If she knew how to love and be loved, she didn't remember any of this now. And, frankly, that was irrelevant. Lena knew pretty well that happiness only existed in fiction; nothing in the real world was lit with any invisible light; nothing bright really existed. People have created all these metaphors themselves, and every day they kept living in that scripted delusion, pretending they're doing something meaningful with their lives.  
Lena lived in that delusion too; however, she had a significant goal to reach - that was not a secret for the woman, that she would never be able to undo the damage her brother had caused, but could help heal the wounds, and was determined to do the best she could. Lena was still a Luthor, and she saw herself as one, but unlike her family, she had a moral compass - she would never hurt anyone. Lena of all people knew what happens after you get hurt - you turn into a machine with a simple program - to follow the plan. You don't feel; you don't get attached; you don't get distracted. You are focused; you follow the program; you achieve the goal; you set a new one. Cold strategy requires a cold heart, and the youngest Luthor was the best in plotting strategies.

Lena spent hours researching Kara Danvers. She was trying to find any hint of how the artist could be possibly connected to the ghost from Lena's long-forgotten past. O'Connell - the sweet, kind girl who had listened to her sobs 17 years ago.  
Lena started to feel secondhand embarrassment thinking about that day, and that girl. She was trained not to leave tracks on her way, and that was definitely a failure. She needed to take care of this, and as soon as it was possible. Being a figure of power, she couldn't let any information about her once carefree past leak. She had a steel reputation, the voice of authority; people never dared to argue with her; how were they supposed to respect her, knowing that she's just a soft woman who wanted a small house on the outskirts of the city, with a garden, maybe by the lake, a loving wife and kids, and probably a few puppies. "Ugh," Lena growled at the thought in frustration, "Just like everybody else."  
Luthors were raised with a particular kind of social model installed into their heads - there is nothing worse than being like everybody else. Luthors were proud to be Luthors, and being a Luthor came with a certain kind of behavior. Lena grew up to be the perfect Luthor.

Kara has met O'Connell at some point, somewhere, Lena couldn't understand the details just yet, but there was no other explanation of where the artist got the information on the butterfly. Nobody else could have told her no matter how much she paid, because there was only one person in the whole world who knew that. How were the two women connected. That was absurd. But even if Lena was slightly paranoid - very paranoid - she was definitely not crazy - the information leaked, and she was determined to find out. Luthors don't trust. She has learned this by now, but back then, she was a naive child, and she couldn't forgive herself for trusting O'Connell in the first place. "Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I was so stupid." Lena kept repeating it like a mantra.

Kara Danvers appeared to be an open book - honest, fair, and cheerful, like a girl-scout. She interacted with every single follower on her blog as with a best friend. The artist didn't pretend, nor tried to appear better than she was. Kara was real; she was like a ray of sunshine. It was clear to Lena that she would never be able to find anything useful by stalking the blonde's social media. All of a sudden, one particular photo on Instagram caught Lena's attention, right when she was about to send her IT team after the artist. It was a picture of Kara. Half of her body hidden behind the curtain, the other half was exposed: a white t-shirt with a loose collar, shorts that barely covered her thighs. Lena could see her necklace on the woman's neck, and that wouldn’t be disturbing if not for the scars, which covered Kara's body. The caption read _It's time to be brave_. The comments to the photo were disabled. "What the fuck?" mumbled Lena. She glanced at the date of the post, then looked at her calendar - four days before Lena called Cat Grant on the artist. That didn't make any sense at all. How did Kara get the necklace? Why did she looked like that, what did that caption mean. Lena's heart was racing, and she felt an increasing migraine sneaking up. The woman in the photo was making her feel something she was not supposed to be able to feel. That was alarming, like if you had arachnophobia and suddenly spotted a spider climbing up your arm. First thing you would do - jerk it off of yourself. That was exactly what Lena wanted to do - shake this feeling off of herself. Only she couldn't. Kara's gaze pierced the unbreakable shield of her existence and was starting to settle somewhere inside, making Lena want to throw up in order to get rid of it.

There was a logical reason why all of this was happening, and Lena strongly believed in it. The logic was winning over everything. There was always an explanation. Not any of these stupid terms like _faith_ or _destiny_, which people liked to use so much, actually made sense. For a Luthor, these words were a symbol of laziness, cluelessness, cowardliness - people would label something with these words, rather than facing the problem and dealing with it. There was no such thing as faith or destiny, but there was logic, and Lena believed in logic with her entire being. She will be able to hack into Kara Danvers' head. Eventually. And when she does, she would make sure, the woman wouldn’t bother her ever again with these stupid rays of light and inspirational cliche lines. Lena hated cliches.

Kara stood in front of the building, clenching her hands into fists in expectation to calm herself down. She hadn’t been able to sleep last night, tossing and turning, thinking about what was awaiting her. She wanted to prepare a speech in her head, but realized she had absolutely no idea what type of scenario was going to happen; she was scared and excited at the same time. The possibility of seeing Lena was tugging at the strings of her feelings. What would she look like? What would she say? The blonde was so lost in her head, that she hadn’t noticed she entered the lobby. Everything was foggy.

The woman looked at her from behind three large monitors, "Welcome to CatCo, how may I help you?" "Hi, I'm Kara Danvers, I believe I have an appointment with Cat Grant at 10 o'clock." Kara tried to make her voice sound as calm as it possibly could.  
The woman didn't seem to care much, "Down the hall, to the right, large glass doors. You won't miss it. Miss Teschmacher is going to help you from there." She gave Kara one last glance and a polite smile and proceeded to do whatever she was busy with before.

Kara moved towards the office on wooden legs; she tried to slow her breathing using that yoga exercise her therapist showed her years ago. Having a panic attack right this very moment was not an appealing option, so, she tried her best to stay focused. Eve saw her through the glass doors, and with a friendly expression, waved to come in, "Hello, Miss Danvers! Fancy seeing you! Please, have a seat."

She pointed in direction of a cozy sitting area with a white leather couch, a coffee table, a few floor plants, and a small fountain in the corner. Who keeps a fountain in a law firm, wondered Kara. She remembered an article she had read once. The journalist explained different kinds of torture. One of those was with water. The victim sat with their head down, and every 30 seconds, a drop of water hit the back of their head. In half an hour, the victim was going insane. Kara thought if there was point for the fountain - it was water torture.

The artist came back to reality when Eve cleared her throat, "Miss Grant will see you now."  
"Is miss Luthor going to join us?" Kara asked, trying to sound casual, but the tone of hope in her voice betrayed her.  
Eve raised her eyebrows, "Miss Danvers, bold of you to assume that Miss Luthor has any free time or will to deal with every stalker personally."  
"But I..." Kara choked on her words when the assistant gave her a warning look. "I'm not a stalker... Nevermind."  
Eve pointed to the office door with her open palm, "I didn't ask you a question, Miss Danvers. You may come in; you wouldn’t want to make Miss Grant wait.  
_Great start, Kara,_ she told herself while pushing the heavy door open.

Lena was not able to sleep; her mind kept going back to Kara. There was something about her that was making the Luthor longing to see her. As if they knew each other, and had been far away for too long, but about to get back together again. The woman sighed and rubbed her temples. Ever since this happened, everything stopped making any sense. She felt she was losing control over her life. And for a Luthor that was the worst nightmare ever. Lena's foggy, restless mind decided that she needed to see the other woman.

Eve waited for Kara to enter the office, and texted Jess - _She doesn't look like a stalker. She is wearing a button-up with sunflowers._  
_That's exactly how every stalker looks like_. - Came the quick reply, followed by the next message - _Also, Lena didn't come in yet, and she's usually here since 7ish, but she doesn't have any meetings until after noon. Is she there?_  
Eve frowned - _No. She was not supposed to be present; she never is. If anything I would have known_. Right after her thumb pressed Send, the glass door flew open, revealing the elegant woman in a navy blue three-piece suit and high heels; her hair was down making her look somehow even more dangerous. Eve jumped in her chair and almost screamed, "Miss Luthor?!"  
Lena smirked and raised her signature eyebrow, "Good morning, Miss Teschmacher! Not happy to see me?"  
The woman straightened behind her desk, "Miss Luthor, good morning! No, of course not. Always a pleasure." She hesitated, "Miss Luthor... She looks as innocent as a puppy golden retriever..."  
The brunette clenched her jaw, "Sympathy makes you unfocused and unprepared for the hit, Eve. You're supposed to put up a defense, not make yourself open." With that, she stormed past the speechless woman and disappeared behind Cat's door.

Kara and Cat had just finished the introduction part when Lena slid into the office. Cat casually pulled the chair next to her without even looking at the woman and dropped a short acknowledgment, "Miss Luthor."  
The brunette sat at the table and nodded, "Miss Grant. Please, proceed."  
Kara was sure her heart had stopped beating; she was scared to breathe. She didn't hear a word Miss Grant was saying, nor did she care; she could only stare at the woman across the table, who was staring back. Lena was beautiful, the most beautiful woman Kara had ever seen. Her emerald eyes had a whole deep world behind them, and the artist felt she was falling inside that oblivion, suddenly Cat barked, making Kara twitch, "Miss Danvers! We're discussing an important issue here. Care to please us with your attention?"  
Kara gulped, "I'm so very sorry. I... I got distracted. I'm sorry."  
Cat stared at her like a predator now, "Miss Danvers, in order to avoid a lawsuit, you must take down your art and respond to a request for a civil harassment restraining order. This is your call."  
Kara glanced at Lena. The woman was tense as if she cared a massive rock on her shoulders; her eyes were flushed with deep emotion, they were bitter and free of any sparkles as if the woman had been grieving for decades now. Logically, Kara knew, that Lena was a few years younger than her, but somehow, she looked older - more wise, like a person who has seen everything in life. Kara felt a thunde of emotions towards the woman, her mind was racing, making it impossible for her to focus, and then Lena looked back at her. Was that hope in her eyes? Kara's mind was not able to judge at that moment. If she had any plans on trying to defend her art by denying that it was Lena, she dropped them when she saw the reflection of pain on the woman’s face.  
"I agree to respond to the request and take down my art." She said easily.  
Lena could feel in her bones, that something was very wrong with this particular stalker. That was somehow extraordinary - the woman's stare, expression, response. Lena raised an eyebrow, "Just like that?"  
Kara gave a shy smile in return, "Just like that." She hesitated, "Le... Miss Luthor, may I speak with you off the record? In private? Please?" She would have pouted if not for the circumstances.  
Cat was silently watching the two women, too interested to interrupt.  
Lena tensed again, "Negative. I have nothing to say to you, Miss Danvers, and if you do, I'd rather my attorney be a witness."  
Since the artist didn't say anything in response, looking completely defeated, Lena turned in her chair to stand up, "Very well. I will be expecting to receive the hearing date shortly, Cat. Good day." And with that, she retreated.

Kara's eyes filled with tears. She was so sure, Lena would give her a chance to explain, but the woman was all professional about the situation. If only she could remember Kara, everything would have been different. The blonde suddenly remembered that she was still in the lawyer's office. She looked up, but Cat was already typing something on her keyboard, not paying Kara any attention. Kara cleared her throat.

"Do I need to escort you, Miss Danvers? You will receive the notice of appearance at your address in five business days. Please help yourself out. Good day."

As soon as Kara left the building, her composure broke, and she burst into tears. "Fuck!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yell @ me  
sepphoraeverill (Tumblr)


	4. I Will Come For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara refuses to give up on Lena. Lena refuses to give Kara a break.  
How are they going to communicate with this wall between them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...umm...  
*drops the chapter and runs away*

Lena left CatCo in a daze. She regretted her decision to see Kara right after she laid eyes on her. For someone who was supposed to be dangerous, the artist felt strangely soft. Lena felt safe around her; that hope and care, which radiated from Kara's eyes felt suspiciously calming; those eyes - Lena could swear they looked familiar. It probably was the other woman's tactic - to appear innocent, like somebody who you could trust. Or perhaps she was using hypnosis. Lena was not able to think clearly anymore, she needed a distraction, and the best kind of distraction ever known to her was burying herself in work.

Kara, on the other hand, spent the entire day thinking about Lena. The later had enough power to silence the artist forever, making it impossible to continue her work. Kara understood pretty well that that would probably lead to the end of her career. However, that was not what bothered her. The only thing that was poking under her ribs like razors was that Lena wouldn't know the truth, and that - was really painful. Kara had one last chance to get to Lena, and she had to use it, even if it made things worse. But again, wasn't that the point of last chances - it had to be extremely risky in order to work.

It was after midnight when Lena left her office. The CEO has always worked late, and by this time, she could describe in detail how the night felt like: the smell of the air, and how it felt against her bare skin; the quiet pace of energy around; the peaceful, steady being with no need to rush anywhere. That was the time she could finally drop the heavy blinds from tall glass windows of her soul - the day was over, no more meetings, no more pretending, no more bitchy-CEO-mode, only her and the stars in the sky. The night was quiet and calm as usual, but something was different. Lena could feel it with every fiber of her body. The energy in the air switched, piercing her skin with light, gentle shockwaves. Lena felt goosebumps on her arms even though she was wearing a jacket, and it was not cold at all. She focused and tried to listen in to the darkness. Two soft, slow footsteps. A pause. Lena's breath hitched. An inhale, and a trembling voice, yet sweet as honey, "Lena, wait. Please."  
Lena's jaw clench by instinct, "So, you decided to cross that last line, and actually become a stalker, Miss Danvers? Impressive." She continued to move towards her car; she had to be as close as possible in case she would need a backup from her driver.  
"Lena, just let me explain; and if after that you still decide to ravage me, it's okay, I wouldn’t be mad or bother you ever again." Kara's voice sounded too determined, and Lena could just not notice that. That was weird, because who would want to make the current situation even worse. That didn't make any logical sense.  
"I find this way of yours to call me by my first name pretty discourteous and vexatious. You act like we know each other, trying to seem friendly, but in reality that only makes you look like a creep." Lena didn't look back not a single time, too focused on her mission. Only a few more feet to the safe spot of her car.   
"But we do know each other! That's what I'm trying to explain! I'm Kara O'Connell!" Kara almost shouted.  
Lena froze. Gary studied her from the window with a questioning look, ready to jump in; she gave him an eye signal to wait, and turned around, "Listen, lady. I don't know what kind of psycho you are exactly, and, frankly, I don't care, but I need to know what you did to that woman." Lena's eyes lit with rage, and a shiver ran through her body on the thought, that O'Connell could have gotten hurt because of her.  
Kara threw her hands in front of herself as if trying to block the upcoming attack, "Nothing! I swear nothing! This is me! I... I was adopted when I was 13, and the Danvers gave me their last name. But when we met, I was a cocky teenager, who thought it was cool to introduce themselves only by the last name."  
"Lovely. How stupid do you think I am, Miss Danvers? Do you really think I'm going to buy any of this dramatic nonsense? I know exactly what O'Connell looked like, and you, my dear, look nothing like her." The conversation was getting more surreal with every word said, and Lena moved one of her hands behind her back to give Gary a signal when necessary.  
"I... My family was in a car accident, my parents died, and I was in a coma for three years. The doctors had to basically sew me back together because I was left like a pile of meat. They... They had to rebuild my face and all. I look like somebody else now, but I'm still me! Well, as much as it is possible."  
The other woman had to admit that that did make sense — all those scars that Lena saw in the photo, and way too perfect facial features. The CEO made a few steps in Kara's direction so, she could see her face better. She growled, "I don't know what you want from me, Miss Danvers, but if you don't leave me alone, I'll make sure you not only get a restraining order but get locked up in a heavily guarded mental facility as well. I promise you that."  
Kara gulped. Lena raised her eyebrow. Kara took the butterfly from her neck and moved her hands towards Lena's, but she jerked away as if Kara's touch could burn. Right that second Gary jumped out of the car pointing a gun at Kara and yelled, "On the ground now! Hands where I can see them!"  
Kara dropped on her knees and threw her arms in the air, "Whoa! Easy! I'm unarmed!"  
Lena waved for Gary to lower the gun. Kara exhaled loudly and extended her open palm with the butterfly on it, "This is yours. I wanted to find you, but your lawyer did that first, and then you refused to talk off the record, leaving me with limited options. I'm sorry, that it all turned into this mess Lena. Seventeen years ago, before you left, you whispered, _Please, come for me_. You thought I didn't hear, but I did. I'm sorry, I'm so late, but I did come in the end."  
Lena's brain short-circuited, she was falling in a deep trance, she didn't even notice she took the necklace. Kara looked at her with teary eyes full of hope, pain, and something else that Lena wasn't sure how to interpret. These were the same sky-blue eyes, which Lena saw back years ago by the lake. The puzzle finally fit.  
Lena couldn't tear her eyes off Kara's; she could feel every single emotion the other woman felt because she felt it too: desperation, longing, trust. The question was if Lena was ready for any of that, or if she even needed that.  
The Luthor pursed her lips, and tried to hold on to the last string of composure left inside, "I’ll see you in court, Miss Danvers."

It took Kara a while to even her breathing. She watched Lena's car disappear into the night and sighed, "Okay. I guess that went well."

It was after day seven of Lena working herself into oblivion that Jess decided she had had it. Her boss was definitely acting odd even for a Luthor. Holding a bottle of expensive scotch, she took a deep breath and knocked at the door. No reply followed as usual. When the assistant entered the office, she saw Lena sitting at her desk with her face in her hands. Jess sighed, "Okay, it's time to talk about this."  
Lena looked up as the other woman took two glasses, poured the liquor, and sat on the couch, waving at her boss to join in.  
"There's nothing to talk about." Lena sat beside Jess and took a sip of the drink.  
After a few minutes of heavy silence, the assistant scooped closer, and put a reassuring hand on top of Lena's, "I can see this is eating you alive. Why is she bothering you so much? You've dealt with stalkers before, how is this time any different?"  
The Luthor glanced at the other woman's worried face. She put the glass on the coffee table, and rubbed the bridge of her nose, "She doesn't deserve any of this. She's not a stalker, but an angel from my past, who came back to save me from myself..." Lena took a deep breath and started to tell Jess the whole story, watching how the woman's face was slowly losing color, her eyes widening, and her jaw falling on the floor.  
"Holy. Shit." Jess finished three fingers of scotch in one gulp, poured another, and drank it all as well. "So, basically, a good knight has finally found you in that dungeon of your own creation, and instead of letting her rescue you, you decided to barricade your door with every piece of furniture you could find? What the hell is wrong with you, Lena, for real?"  
The Luthor looked at her, questionably, "I... What?!"  
"Metaphorically speaking." Jess waved vaguely, "Listen, Lena. This is probably the first and only pure, selfless, and kind thing that anyone has ever done for you. Maybe this time, instead of running away and hiding behind these walls, you could, you know... Let her in? For a change..."  
Lena poured herself another glass, and went silent for a few moments, before exhaling painstakingly and exhausted, "I can't let myself get hurt again."  
Jess squeezed her hand, "You won't. If Kara had any intention of hurting you, she would have done that numerous times already. Instead, she came back for you. After you treated her like shit, after you threatened her. She was ready to risk it all and try to fight for your soul."

This time Lena went utterly silent and still, and the only action that indicated she was still present in reality was the glass in her hand, which moved up to her lips and down to her lap.

Kara was a very patient person, taking into account her rocky past. So, it was not difficult for her to wait for the hearing. The hard part was to wait for any kind of message from Lena. But as the days passed by, and nothing happened, the artist started to lose hope. It was stupid to assume, that the mighty Lena Luthor would possibly give her any chance, and now it was pretty clear, that she, in fact, was not going to. Kara has done everything in her power, and now it was time to accept defeat. She turned off her phone, and busied herself with a meaningless tv series on Netflix, in an attempt to get distracted and stop thinking about Lena. Kara didn't want to talk or see anyone; she didn't want to draw, she just wanted to forget, and restart herself somehow. Only, it was not helping; she couldn't focus and get rid of the thoughts. She took a few of her prescriptions and waited to calm down. However, the meds didn't seem to have any effect, her brain kept working, and the artist felt the depression slowly swallowing her. Kara took another few pills. Still nothing.

Two days without any reply from the artist were making Lena anxious and on the edge of shattering everything around her. She was angry and disturbed at the same time. What exactly was she hoping for after deciding to drop the case? Socially, at least a thank you. Deep down, an attempt to see the woman, talk to her, apologize, and try to start everything over. She growled at herself, "Pathetic. I'm so pathetic." The knock at her door pulled her from blaming herself any further. "What?!" Lena barked in reply.  
Jess slid inside, pointing at the phone in her hand, "Miss Luthor, that was Eve. She said she's still trying to reach Kara, but her phone seems to be off or something. It goes straight to voicemail."  
Lena gave her assistant a worried look, "It's been two days. Nine if we’re talking about our last meeting. What if something bad has happened?"  
Jess rushed to her side, and put a hand on her shoulder, "Hey, don't say that. People can't just disappear on us. We got technology." She tried to lighten the mood with a joke, but Lena only raised an eyebrow at her. "Okay. Fine. Inappropriate. I'll note it in my agenda - _issue Jess a reprimand_."  
Lena was nervously fidgeting with her fingers, "I need to do this myself. I will never be able to forgive myself if something has happened to her because of me, and the only thing I did was use my technology to track her. She's not a lab rat, that escaped its cage. She's human, and probably in pain."  
"Maybe we're overthinking the whole thing. She might have just left the country in order to hide from the law." Jess was trying her best to drag Lena away from her self-destructive thoughts.  
"We both know, she wouldn't do anything like that. She's way too honest." Lena sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Get me her address, and then call Gary to meet me outside."  
After hearing that, Jess tried to fight three things that were happening to her: opening and closing her mouth without any words coming out; widening her eyes, and the stupid smile spreading across her face.  
Lena gave her a stern look, "That is all. Give me the pleasure of doing your job, Jess, would you?" The assistant didn't fight the smile anymore; she felt the excitement fill every fiber of her body, "Right away, Miss Luthor!" She sounded cheerful and relieved because Lena was finally making the right decision.

On her way to Midvale, Lena kept continually dialing Kara's number. Voicemail. The CEO was so deep in her worries that she didn't even realize how light her body felt because of that decision, because of that adventure. "Could you drive faster?" She was clutching the necklace tight in her other hand; she could swear it somehow felt warm.  
Gary made eye contact with her in the rearview mirror, "I'm trying to get you there in one piece, Miss Luthor. I'll do my best to speedup without causing any dangerous situation on the road, ma'am."  
About an hour later, Lena was at Kara's doorstep, loudly banging at the door. She was to fueled with anticipation to ask herself all those questions - she would usually have asked, like _What the hell was I thinking_. After a while, when she realized Kara wasn’t going to open the door, a cold terror ran up her spine. She would have frozen still, if not for adrenaline running hot in her veins. Lena could hear the tv working inside the apartment so, Kara was home. She tried the doorknob; it was locked. The CEO turned to the car and yelled, "Gary! Break this fucking door down! Now!"

Kara was laying on her couch, trying to ignore reality and had disappeared into an astral projection of surreal abyss. As long as she's known herself, she rarely remembered doing something that could be called spontaneous. Rarely. Never. She didn't remember any time leaving herself to the mercy of fate when she got really fucked up with something. Like throwing all her worries and common sense away, and replacing it with something vague, vivid; hoping for the best upcoming scenario.  
Talking of freedom itself as well as the freedom of mind, she has barely allowed such surge to penetrate the perfectionistic shell of her existence. Until now. Until Lena.  
However, what has happened with Lena, broke her faith. Kara thought, she was doing everything right, and she'd be able to reach the woman through these thick walls, which the later has built around herself. Only she wasn't capable. And, all of a sudden, everything lost its sense.

Kara was well acquainted with depression; she spent years trapped in it after she woke up from the coma. The only difference was that now she couldn't count on art to come and rescue her.  
Feeling the darkness enveloping her, drowning in it completely, Kara could hardly realize a thing. Who was she; where was she; what was going on; what were those sounds, she could not hear nor focus on. The darkness was swallowing her; she could barely breathe. There was nothing. Deep-dark-nothing. She might have been inside that nothingness for some time now, as she could feel completely fit in it and got used to it. There was no rush, no tomorrow; no regrets, no sorrow.

A slap rapidly being placed on her left cheek turned Kara's attention to the very fact that she did, in fact, have a face. At that same moment, the sweet silence started to fade away so lightly, as if the gentle wind would have blown a veil off of her face. What was that voice behind the darkness vanishing far away; what were those words that tried to reach her ears so unsuccessfully. Reality was breaking in step by step, and Kara was starting to feel dizzy. She could feel her senses slowly coming back, making her realize that she actually had a body.

That voice. That distant voice was trying to reach her system. The blonde tried to focus on the sound but heard nothing that reminded her of words, just a dull noise echoing inside, and making her head pulse.  
Another slap on her right. Kara's face was burning. Someone was screaming now. Searching inside the surrounding darkness, she tried hard to make sense or responded to the vision. Obviously, her eyes were closed, and she had to open them to stop that noise from coming. She could not stand that sound.

Suddenly something fierce clung onto her throat, pulling her closer towards the sound of that voice. Still drowning in darkness, being unable to move and fight back, it occurred to Kara that she had no choice but to obey. It felt as if dozens needles pierced her neck; the pain was spreading up her throat and further, filling the emptiness inside her head with fury. It clutched at her harder, making the woman almost incapable of breath. Pain and anger inflated her body, burning the darkness to ashes. A sudden electroshock impulse transfixed her like a spear – the pressure on her lips as if she was being kissed. "Don't you fucking dare die on me Kara!" the hot breath was growling into Kara's mouth. "Don't. You. Fucking. Dare."

Kara could feel her head rapidly pulled back by the hair. She inhaled loudly and half-opened her eyes. Distant lights began to arise, leaving painfully bright spots in front of her. A blink. Two. The intense stare opposite her. Three. Four. The infinite emerald eyes, through the fog around. Five. Six. The hands moved to the sides of her face held her. Seven. "Lena?" Kara heard herself whisper in a hoarse voice, "What... What the hell happened?"  
A sparkle flashed in the green, illuminating the room with warmth. Without breaking the gaze, Kara slowly traced the smooth cheek with her fingertips, feeling her mouth form a calm smile.  
"I got you." The velvet voice filled every cell of her being with euphoria. Sweet, comforting silence broke in. There was nothing else around, aside from those perfect green eyes.  
Lena hugged her tightly, yet extra carefully, and whispered, "I dropped the case. I'm sorry, Kara. I'm so sorry, I hurt you." And just as ripping a bandage from the wound, Lena's shock took over, and she began crying into the other woman's hair.  
Kara was still pretty dizzy and needed time to let her brain catch up, but when she felt the woman breaking beside her, she was suddenly dragged out of her daze. _Fuck_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yell at me


	5. Need You Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And the wall starts to shake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, while we’re all waiting for Dorian finally to come and get us, I thought that it would be nice to write some feels…before we all going underwater over here…
> 
> Once again, thank you guys so much for subscribing and waiting for updates. Extra thanks for kudos and comments.  
Your feedback inspires me to carry on with this story.  
<3

Kara shifted a little to be able to touch Lena. She still couldn't quite feel her limbs, but managed to place one hand on Lena's arm and squeeze it, while the other hand made an attempt to caress her hair - her actions were uncertain and clumsy, which didn't go unnoticed by the CEO. She pulled slightly away from Kara and looked at her with tearful eyes. The blonde tried to pull a smile, "Shh. Lena, I'm okay. I'll be okay. You came for me, and I..." The sudden wave of nausea cut her words mid-sentence, making her head spin and vision blank.

If Lena was having a breakdown just seconds ago, she has already shot her attention back to the woman in her arms. Kara's breaths were short and dense, and drops of cold sweat started to appear on her forehead; her eyes were open, but Lena couldn't see any focus in the artist's gaze. She took the blonde's face in her hands, thumbs lightly caressing her cheekbones, "Kara? Kara, can you hear me?" No reply. "Say something please, Kara!" But the woman only clenched at her arm weakly.  
"Shit." Lena's eyes searched the room for her phone; it was nowhere to be found...apparently, in the rush she left it in the car. "Gary! We need to take her to a hospital now!"  
Gary, who was on the phone with the contractor about the broken door, sighed, "Fucking drama every day."  
"Right away, Miss Luthor!" and he sprinted to the living room to get Kara.  
"Make sure her head is placed straight; we don't want her to choke on her tongue," Lena instructed nervously.

The driver-slash-bodyguard-slash-personal-assistant-slash-anything-else-you-could-imagine has been working for Luthors for almost a decade now, yes - sometimes he was pissed by his boss, yes - sometimes his job didn't make any sense, but deep inside he knew he loved the younger Luthor, he rooted for her and cared sincerely, and was gladly ready to risk his life for Lena. Gary saw most of the rough path that Lena had to go through to become the person she was now, but never in his life has he seen her this shaken. "Don't you worry, Miss Luthor, we'll get her there safe and sound." He carefully placed Kara in the back seat, Lena jumped in next to her, holding onto her like her life depended on it.  
Kara was slowly losing consciousness; Lena was slowly losing her mind. She kept the blonde’s face in her hands, shaking her head constantly like that would help keep the woman's eyes opened.  
"Stay with me!" Lena half yelled, half sobbed, her voice breaking. "I promise, when all this is over I'll take you to eat ice cream, and let you annoy me with rambling on how beautiful life is. I won't even argue. Just stay with me! Please..."

Lena couldn't believe what was happening. Actually, she could - life was never fair to a Luthor. And this was not an exception. It took Lena every fiber of herself to accept the fact that she wanted Kara in her life; that was a challenging and disturbing decision to make, but after she did - she realized, she has never felt better in her entire life. Only that didn't last long. Being a Luthor was a constant pain and the facing of loss, and now that was going to happen again, and this time Lena wasn't sure if she could deal with it.  
She was only that terrified once in her life - when her mother died, but Kara was there for her back then. However, now it was Kara’s life that was slipping away through Lena's fingers. Anxiety and panic only doubled when Lena thought of the reason why this nightmare was happening in the first place - her. She was the one to blame. She let this happen; she pushed Kara from that cliff.

Gary broke her train of self-destructive thoughts with a loud - _We're here!_  
So, maybe there was still hope. Maybe, just maybe, even a Luthor deserved that one last chance.

An hour and a half later, Lena was still pacing in the hospital waiting room, not being able to find any hint of peace. She heard the ding of the elevator in the lobby and a woman's voice, introducing herself as Alex Danvers, Kara's older sister. Hurried footsteps were getting closer to the waiting room, and Lena held her breath. _Oh, shit._  
Alex entered with Kara's doctor Jack Spheer by her side, but when she saw Lena, her nervousness turned into rage, "You! What did you do to her?! I swe-"  
Lena cut her off short and sharp, "Lower your voice, Miss Danvers, this is a hospital. Would you?"  
Alex clenched her teeth and growled, "It’s Agent Danvers for you, and I swear to God, Luthor, if something happens to Kara, I'll kill you with my bare hands."  
"Are you threatening me in front of witnesses, agent Danvers?" Lena crossed her arms in front of her, and rose an eyebrow, looking around at the other people in the room, who silently watched the scene with agape mouths.  
"Hell yes, I am."

Before that conversation could heat up any further, Jack stepped in front of Lena in an attempt to protect her, which Lena found slightly weird, but nonetheless appreciated - she was not ready to pull her bitch mask in full right this very moment.  
"Agent Danvers, I assure you, your sister will be totally fine. Miss Luthor brought her in just at the right time." He turned his head a little in Lena's direction and gave her an encouraging wink, which Alex was too pissed to notice.  
"We cleaned her system of the drug, and she's resting under a mild sedative now. She's stable. There's no need to worry."  
Alex seemed to calm down hearing these words, "I need to see her."  
Jack nodded, "Absolutely. I'll let you know when you can. Kara is still pretty weak, and we have to make sure everything is in perfect condition. It shouldn't take too long though."  
Alex was about to argue, but Jack's glance stopped her, "Now. Let me discuss some hospital-related questions with Miss Luthor pretty quickly, after that I'm going to check on your sister personally, and I'm pretty sure, you'd be able to see her then." He gave Alex one last nod, turned to Lena and pointed toward the right-wing with his palm, "Miss Luthor, shall we?"  
Lena wasn't sure, what exactly was happening, but played along, "Sure."

When they were out of the waiting room and around the corner, Lena exhaled and looked at Jack, "Thanks... You didn't have to."  
"It's okay, Miss Luthor. My sister-in-law hates me too." He studied her somewhat sympathetically.  
"She. We're not..." Lena tried to object to his assumption.  
"Your personal life is none of my business, but let me tell you something. Every single day here, I have to pretend to be someone else. I have dozens of different masks that I use with different people, on different occasions, and I know how that feels. The heaviest ones are those with delivering bad news. When these people start yelling at you, blaming you, and the only thing you could do is stay still, showing zero emotion. But at the end of the day the only thing I can think of is going home to my wife. She's the only person in this world, where I could be my real self. She keeps me able to stay myself, not letting me get swallowed by all these personalities I am actually not. And this, Miss Luthor, is the only thing that matters in life."  
Lena frowned, "Why are you telling me this?"  
"It is not pathetic to be able to care about someone, Miss Luthor. That doesn't make you weak. Trust me, if these people want to pull us down, they will find a way one way or another; but in the end we only give them the image of ourselves, that we want them to see - if you don't want anyone to know what's going on behind closed doors, you just don't show them. Like you've been doing this whole time."  
The woman next to him seemed deep in thought and didn't reply. "Hiding yet another piece of yourself doesn't change anything - people like me and you do this all the time. Finding your person- does change everything, though. And if you did find them, you wouldn't want to let them go. I almost made that mistake once, and I don't want you to make the same one." Jack put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Your heart is kind, Miss Luthor, I can see this, but you still scare the shit out of me, so I don't think you have anything to worry about." He chuckled and looked at her with a friendly and open expression.

Lena couldn't understand what she was feeling at the moment. Jack managed to give her a confirmation of her fears and a relief at the same time in the span of two minutes. That seemed impossible, yet made Lena feel light from the inside, making her wonder what exactly she was so afraid of before. For the first time in a long time, her head felt clear.  
She looked back at Jack, "You can call me Lena."  
He grinned, "Only if you calling me Jack."  
Lena returned the smirk and extended her hand, "Thank you, Jack."  
He shook her hand in a slightly humorous way, "Well, I hope this is the beginning of a good friendship then."  
He freed his hand from Lena's, put it on the small of her back and gently pushed towards the door of the hospital room, "Now, go get the girl." He winked at Lena, and it felt like the last drop of stress disappeared after meeting Jack's confident grin.

"Wait, I thought you said we couldn’t see her yet."  
"I did." He shrugged. "But she asked for you. The first thing she said after waking up was - _Lena_."  
Lena felt a punch in her gut, and also something pleasant? Like butterflies in her stomach.  
She hesitated, wanting to make every single thing clear between them, "She's not my girlfriend, you know that, right? I barely know this woman."  
Jack shrugged again, "It doesn't matter if you have known her twenty seconds or twenty years - at the end that bleeds into a wash, just like watery ink on paper, Lena."*  
She raised an eyebrow, "How are you even real?" She shook her head and giggled, a real giggle for the first time in years.

The CEO took a deep, confident breath and opened the door, letting herself in, feeling somehow protected under Jack's gaze.  
Kara looked small in the hospital bed. Even though the color was slowly returning to her face, she still looked pale and weak. Lena couldn't stand the view, knowing that she put the woman there. She was about to turn on her heel and leave when Kara opened her eyes and pinned her on the spot with those beautiful blue eyes.  
"Lena..." she smiled weakly and outstretched her arm.  
Lena rushed to her side, but stopped a few inches beside the bed, not being able to make herself take the woman's hand in hers. Kara patiently kept her palm open, her eyes locked on the green in front of her. "Need you closer..." the blonde pouted.  
Lena clenched her hands in tight fists, "I don't want to hurt you more."  
Kara helped herself up with one elbow, and half sat, reaching the other woman, grabbing her hand and pulling her closer to the bed, "You won't. Promise. That was not your fault, Lena. I'm okay now. You are here now. I'm going to be fine."  
"You're only here because of me." Lena could feel the lump forming in her throat, which she tried to swallow, yet again unsuccessfully.

The blonde pulled her even closer, and Lena had to sit beside her to prevent herself from losing balance. Kara moved closer and gently moved her chin up with her other hand, making Lena look into her eyes, "I'm here because I'm dumb. But because of you, I'm still alive." She was making small circles on Lena's hand with her thumb now, and Lena found it comforting.  
"You promised me ice cream," a wide grin spread on Kara's face, "and when we go, I'll ramble all your worries away, and make sure you no longer blame yourself." She squeezed the other woman's hand. Lena's eyes widened, "You... You heard me?"  
Kara chuckled, "It's pretty hard to ignore you when you're yelling. It's kinda annoying."  
Lena was about to reply with something sharp, but when she focused on Kara's expression, she saw happiness radiating from the woman, and finally, Lena let herself relax a little. She squeezed Kara's hand back, and took a deep, relieved breath, "You got me worried sick. Are you sure you're feeling better?"

Kara was dying to hug Lena; she couldn't think of anything else, she knew somehow, that that would help the CEO drop her guard and relax completely. _Screw it. It's all or nothing with this woman_. With that thought, Kara cut the distance between them in one quick move and carefully snaked her arm around Lena's waist. She waited for any sign of disapproval, and when she got none, she pulled the woman closer and put her chin on her shoulder.  
She whispered in Lena's ear, "Much better. Thanks to you." Kara could feel Lena melting in her touch, her breath was becoming even, and she also placed her own hand on top of Kara's.  
The blonde smiled, "By the way... Next time you want to kiss me, try to do this while I'm conscious so I could really enjoy it." Kara had no idea where this courage was coming from, but it felt good. She felt good. Lena felt good against her body.

Lena almost froze at that comment, but then she felt Kara's soft lips on her cheek. The kiss was as tender as the touch of butterfly wings in the air, and the younger Luthor found herself getting lost in the feeling, she almost missed herself murmuring, "I promise." And a sweet smile finally appeared on her face.  
It was clear to Lena now - she didn't even know the woman next to her, but she was slowly but surely falling for her._ Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *  
”Have I known you 20 seconds or 20 years.” - Taylor Swift, Lover;  
“Whatever our struggles and triumphs, however we may suffer them, all too soon they bleed into a wash, just like watery ink on paper.” - Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha.


	6. When It Comes To You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something shifts between Kara and Lena. Will they make it through this one?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please excuse my cruel angsty soul..no...I'm not capable of hurting you more after the last teaser...

They wrapped themselves into a comfortable silence. The moment of tranquillity, where there was no need to prove anything, nor argue, nor pretend. They were just Kara, and just Lena enveloped into each other embrace, synchronized in their breathing— only two of them in the whole world, nothing else mattered.  
Kara was the first one to break the sweet oblivion of silence. She still had her head on Lena's shoulder, and arm protectively wrapped around her waist. She whispered hopefully, "Could you stay with me?"  
Lena shifted a little in her seat so she could see the other woman's face, "Your sister needs to see you, and the doctor needs to check you. And most likely you'd be home by dawn. After that, we could figure something out."  
"No. That's what I meant— could you stay with me tonight? I... I don't want to stay alone, and you... You're very comforting." Kara pouted.  
Lena's breath hitched. Never in her life has anyone found her presence comforting before, but she could feel that too— being with Kara like this was somehow soothing, she felt safe in her arms. Lena was tired. She was tired of running, tired of covering her real feelings, tired of her masks. She was tired of fighting.  
She let out a defended sigh, "Yes."  
Kara bounced on the bed in excitement, "For real?!"  
Lena smiled and caressed her hair, "For real. Now, calm down, you can't get too excited in your current state."

Kara was about to say something in reply when the knock at the door broke their bubble. They moved a little from each other, but Kara was still holding Lena's hand. Jack entered the room looking behind, and quickly closed the door, "I hate to interrupt this for you, guys, but I have a feeling that if Agent Danvers isn't able to see Kara in five minutes, she will become full Agent-Danvers-mode and we're all in trouble."  
Kara moved her gaze from Lena to Jack and back to Lena again. She didn't want to let her go yet, and that was clearly written on her face.  
Jack moved closer to her and put a hand on her shoulder, "Hey, we're going to discharge you in a few hours, but I need to make sure Lena is out of sight when your sister is here."  
When Kara finally broke eye contact with Lena and glanced at him again, he grinned, "Could you wait just a few hours?"  
Kara beamed and nodded enthusiastically. Jack moved his hand towards Lena, "Come on, I'll get you out of here safe and sound without anyone noticing."  
Lena squeezed Kara's hand one last time, "I could wait in your apartment if this is okay. We need to fix the door anyway."  
Kara frowned, "What happened to my door?"  
Jack chuckled, "Lena broke it down. Isn't it awesome? Jesus, you two are like fan fiction characters, and I want to sing!" He was making dramatic waves with his hands and even swung around a couple of times.  
Lena shot him a glance, "My God. Please. Don't."  
Kara tugged at Lena's hand and whispered, "What's wrong with him? Is he... High?"  
"Hey!" Jack pointed at her with his index finger, "I heard that." He covered his face with the palm and mumbled, "Fine. Back to professional."  
Both women were giggling now. Lena moved to stand up, but Kara's grip was still tight on her hand, so the CEO moved to her side and hugged her close, "I'll meet you at your place, okay?"  
Kara flashed a bright smile, "Okay."  
Jack was already by the door, comically holding both of his hands close to his heart.  
"Let's go, Doctor Weirdo!" Lena tugged at his sleeve and dragged him out of the room.

When two of them were at the parking lot behind the hospital, Jack handed Lena a piece of paper with something scribbled on it.  
"What's this?" The woman frowned.  
"There's a cool flower shop just a few blocks away from here."  
Lena raised an eyebrow and stared at the piece of paper with an address written on it.  
Jack looked at his watch, "I gotta run. My phone number is there as well if you need help with what to get." He jumped into her personal space and hugged her, "Good luck, boo! See you soon!"  
Lena was looking at Jack sprinting towards the backdoor of the hospital. She shook her head in amusement, "Boo? What the fuck has happened to reality?"

Kara was sitting on the hospital bed with her back pressed on top of numerous pillows, which Jack kindly sneaked her. She couldn't believe that she was really winning over the CEO's heart. The logical sense kept telling her, that that could probably be just a pity, because of the recent events. However, her heart was silencing that voice, pointing her on the feeling she had when Lena looked at her. That was a pleasant feeling, like finally, something was right, like how it was supposed to be.

Kara was seized in daydreaming and didn't hear the door opened. She was sliming like a lovestruck idiot to herself when somebody tugged at the sleeve of her shirt.  
"Kara?"  
It took her a moment to register the voice. She looked up and saw a very worried and angry Alex in front of her. "Oh. Hi, sis!" She grinned and waved at her.  
Alex frowned, "Are you tripping? What did they give you?"  
Kara chuckled, "I'm not tripping. I'm happy. That's what happy me looks like." She circled her face with the hand.  
The redhead carefully sat on the edge of the bed and looked deep into her eyes, "Huh. Pupils are not dilated, everything looks fine. Did you hit your head? How are you feeling?"  
Kara rolled her eyes, "Why are you like this? I'm fine, Alex. I promise. Lena was there on time."  
She could feel her sister was about to start something she didn't really want to hear, so before she could open her mouth, Kara stopped her with a stern gaze, "Please. Don't." She pushed her palm in her direction, "I know, what you must be thinking, and I assure you everything is quite the opposite. I am happy because of her. Lena makes me happy, okay?"  
Alex knew Kara well enough to be able to get that her sister was earnest at the moment, "Okay."  
"And I want you to promise me - you won't lecture me on Lena's account, and let me do everything my way. The way I feel right." She reached for Alex's hand.  
"Okay."  
The women shared eye contact dyed in the mix of worries and trust. Alex squeezed Kara's hand back, "Just promise to be careful?"  
The blonde smiled, "Pinky promise."

Lena was nursing three fingers of scotch at Kara's kitchen in order to get rid of increasing anxiety. She had absolutely no idea, what exactly she was doing at the other woman's place, nor what was expecting her next. It felt weird to be there all by herself, and the odd part was, that Lena felt at home— as if she was just casually waiting for her wife to come home after work. She shook the image from her head. The last thing she needed was letting her restless, lonely heart ruin that pure yet very platonic thing. Whatever that thing was. _Platonic_. She repeated once again to herself.

Kara was starting at the new door of her apartment in awe, Lena really didn't think much about the money— the piece of wood looked like it cost more than all Kara's furniture altogether. She knocked softly, and after a moment, heard rushing footsteps. The artist's heart made a flip in anticipation of seeing the other woman. Logically, Kara knew they saw each other less than two hours ago, but she couldn't help the feeling of coming home to Lena. There was something incredibly warm about it. Something that made Kara get lost behind a blissful smile.

When Lena opened the door, Kara didn't even notice how shy and small the woman seemed to appear, without thinking the blonde embraced her into a soft hug. Lena gasped when felt one of Kara's hands caressing the back of her head, her fingers were lightly combing her hair, and that felt so good, that Lena instinctively pulled the woman closer to her body.

That felt so right. _Platonic_— Lena kept repeating to herself. _Don't do anything stupid. She just got out of the hospital. This is not the right time. There's never going to be the right time. Platonic._

That was absolutely platonic how Kara's breath hitched a little when Lena hugged her tighter, and that was absolutely platonic how Kara pressed a soft kiss on her temple; absolutely platonic the way she grabbed Lena's hand and pulled her into the apparent. That was what friends would have done. Lena didn't have to overthink the whole thing. But her unconscious did it anyway.

Kara gulped, "How did you... How did you know plumerias were my favorite flowers?"  
Lena looked over the kitchen— decorative vases on every corner possible. "I... I didn't. It's my favorite, and I thought you might like them?"  
Lena was fidgeting with her fingers, "Too much?"  
But when she glanced at Kara, she noticed how her eyes were glowing with joy. She looked back at Lena, "Perfect. This is perfect. Thank you."  
The CEO didn't want to send her mind on a mission of defining the meaning of that _This_. The entire day has been already way too much for her emotional state.

Instead, she let herself get lost in Kara. They were talking for hours— changed into sweats and fuzzy socks, wrapped into blankets, they made themselves comfortable on a small couch. There was not too much space, and their sides were almost touching - only inches separated them. They talked about everything and nothing, getting to know each other; and after a while, Lena had a feeling, that that woman has been in her life the whole time, and never left. Little did she know, that Kara felt the same way, along with being helplessly fascinated by every single part of being that was Lena.  
Talking to Kara felt like the easiest and most natural thing in the world. They shared happy memories, which Lena, unfortunately, didn't have a lot; and the darkest ones, which both of them happened to experience for most of their lives. It amazed Lena, how all of her walls were fading away in front of the other woman; how there was suddenly no need for any boundaries. It really felt great, making her heart beat a little faster, and her mind drift a bit further.

Lena felt the exhaustion of past weeks taking over her. She could feel her eyelids getting heavier, and her body sinking into Kara's. She felt featherlight touches of the other woman's fingers in her hair and the back of her neck, and couldn't help a small moan escaping her lips. Lena froze. Did she just moan? This sweet, kind woman almost died this morning, and this all was supposed to be a comforting platonic act of relief and forgiveness, and she moaned? Her brain was suddenly awake, and on a mission to start blaming itself, when she felt her chin being pulled up gently. Kara's gaze was burning her skin; she looked into Lena's eyes so deep as if she had a heat vision.

"Would it be inappropriate if I kiss you before asking you on a first date?" Kara leaned in slow motion, afraid to breathe, and with her eyes focused on Lena's lips.  
"Yes," Lena whispered breathlessly above her lips.

That was wrong. That was all very wrong. But if Lena had any last drop of common sense left inside, it had vanished when Kara gently ran the tip of her thumb under her bottom lip.  
Intentionally Lena closed her eyes. She could feel Kara's anxiety with every inch of her skin. She could also feel the woman was breaking into pieces inside in order not to cross the line of Lena's boundaries. Nobody has ever been so patient and respectful towards Lena, and that very thought of Kara being so thoughtful made her heart ache and ready to explode.

Lena could feel the pulse bumping in her ears - the anticipation of the touch of Kara's lips was maddening. But the woman beside her wasn't moving, allowing Lena to change her mind.

"Kara... I'll break your heart." Lena was now leaning in, cutting the inches between them and almost touching Kara's lips with hers.  
"I'll glue it back together and offer it to you again. And again. Until you adjust to the fact that I'm not leaving you." Kara whispered back.  
Lena could feel a tear escaping the corner of her eye. She didn't see that coming and haven't prepared a lot of excuses, and those that she had ready - were running out. "This is a terrible plan."  
Kara moved her attention from Lena's lips up to her eyes. She moved her thumb from under her lip and brushed away a tear, which was running down Lena's check. "I'll always be ready to take a risk when it comes to you," she whispered.  
Lena was drawing in Kara's eyes again. Her gaze seemed to have some kind of magic power to paralyze her: both physically and emotionally.

Not being able to fight herself anymore, Lena pressed her lips to Kara's. There were no shock waves or sparkles, no fireworks or anything else that they describe so vivid in romances. But there was a warm feeling of home. They were barely touching, but Lena could feel how incredibly soft Kara's lips were, how tender was the touch of her hand on her cheekbone, how careful were her movements. Lena felt like she was made out of glass by the way Kara's lips gently enveloped her bottom one. The kiss was soft and agonizingly slow as if Kara was afraid Lena would vanish if she makes a wrong move.

The CEO was not used to such a pace. She didn't know how it felt like to love someone, nor being loved. She knew the sex, and it was always lustful, chaotic, and messy. This whatever that was— was dangerously unknown territory for her, and she felt lost, not knowing what to do, or what she was expected to do.

Kara could feel the gears in Lena's head moving, stopping her from moving any further. She placed one last soft kiss on her lips, and then another one in the corner of her mouth, and another - on her cheek. She stirred slightly, so their foreheads were touching and whispered, "Is something wrong? We don't have to do anything if you feel uncomfortable."

Lena couldn't believe that woman was real. She was so concerned about Lena's feelings, it physically hurt. And Lena— having feelings was the most terrifying thing that she could imagine.  
She grabbed Kara's collar in her fist in order to anchor herself, "I've never done this before, Kara. Feelings. I don't do feelings. I'm not sure I can."

Kara put her hand on top of Lena's; the warm and delicate touch made her unclasp the grip enough for Kara to be able to entwine their fingers.  
"Of course you can. You're doing it right now." She smiled at her. "And you're doing good." She placed a kiss on her forehead. "I'd never hurt you, Lena. If you decide to take this path with me, we will take it slow, so you have time to adjust to the pace. We wouldn't do anything to trigger you in any way."  
Lena sighed, moving closer to her and burying her nose into the crock of her neck, "I've signed up the moment I crossed this threshold, Kara."

She felt Kara's arms envelop her in a tender embrace, felt the beating of her heart next to hers.  
She looked up and saw love and affection radiating from the woman. Lena moved her hand to cup her face and kissed her, putting every single emotion in that action, trying to show all these words she was not able to vocalize.

The CEO wanted to scream on the top of her lungs, but instead, she just clenched her hands into the collar of the artist's shirt tighter and moved to straddle her lap in a swift motion.  
Kara's breath hitched, "Lee..." She chocked on her words when Lena's hand grabbed her throat, and the hot tongue licked into her lips, trying to get the access inside. Kara gently put her hands on the sides of Lena's face and carefully broke the kiss. She coughed a few times quietly and looked up at the woman on top of her, who was breathing hard and looked terrified.

Lena shut her eyes and covered her mouth with a hand, a muffed _Oh, God_ was barely audible, but Kara still managed to hear it.  
She took Lena's hand and moved it to her lips, gazing the skin lightly, "Hey, look at me."  
Lena looked at her, apologetically, "I... I'm sorry. I think I panicked..."  
The blonde gently kissed the back of her hand and straightened in her seat so they could be the same eye level. She put her free arm around Lena, and started to make small circles on the small of her back, "It's okay. We're okay."  
Lena sighed and connected their foreheads, "This is the only pace I know, Kara. I'm sorry. I don't think it's going to work."  
She was about to move from Kara's lap, when she felt two strong hands gripping at the sides of her thighs, pulling her closer to the artist's body, and a sudden quick pull. Lena gasped and grabbed at Kara's shoulders, as she realized they were standing now - to be more specific, Kara was standing, holding Lena protectively in her arms.

"We'll make it work. I believe in you Lena Luthor." Kara's smile felt like rays of sunshine on Lena's skin.  
The next thing Lena knew, they were moving down the hall to the other end of the apartment, there was no need to be a genius to figure, where were they heading.  
Kara glanced at her as if asking permission and lightly squeezed her ass, "Let me show you my pace without breaking yours. Would you?"

Lena gulped, "Fuck."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 👀


	7. What is it like to be happy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fic is back from war!

Kara gently lowered Lena on the bed but reminded standing at the edge. To Lena's surprise, the look in the other woman's eyes was not hungry and lustful; it was full of affection and care. How was it possible to give the most protective hugs only by looking at somebody?- Lena had no idea. But she did have the idea that the blonde in front of her wouldn’t move an inch without getting the green light.

The CEO pushed herself up on one elbow and stretched her arm in Kara's direction. She whispered in a hoarse voice, "Come here." Kara carefully climbed on the bed and looked deep into Lena's eyes.

Lena did want Kara, but she was terrified as if that was her first time ever. Not that she didn't trust the woman beside her, because she one hundred percent did - she didn't trust herself. She knew pretty well how rough she could be when it came to sex. Anything to cover her genuine desire to be touched and loved - she would be aggressive and in total control. Only now it was different - she did want to be touched. She didn't want to hurt the blonde, though.

Kara carefully moved a strand of Lena's hair away from her face and kissed her cheek, her lips touching the skin with warmth and pierce it with ions of electricity. Lena's arms moved around the blonde's body and settled at her back, pressing the woman above her closer, letting herself melt into the warm body.  
Kara's lips were grazing Lena's ear now, and she whispered, "Pants or shorts?" Lena abruptly broke out of her daze, "What?"

The other woman pushed herself up a little using her elbow and moved slightly, so she would face Lena, "Do you prefer to sleep in pants or shorts," she said softly.

_Oh._ Lena preferred to sleep naked, enjoying the feeling of silk sheets on her skin - the only prospect of getting a soft touch without actually being touched.  
Gentle fingertips sliding across her cheek made her focus the gaze back at the blonde's eyes. Kara smiled, "We had a hell of a week, and today was really extra. I just thought it would be best for us to get some sleep, what do you think?"

Lena tried to blink the mix of anxiety and arousal away. She cleared her throat, "I thought..." her hands instinctively grasped Kara's shirt where she was touching her back.

The other woman rolled slowly to be on Lena's side, and turned her head gently, her hand still on the brunette's cheek, "We’ve got time. We’ve got all the time in the world. But right now, we need rest." Lena sighed. They did need rest indeed, and as much as her body wanted Kara, her mental being was not ready for that, and Lena was extremely grateful that the other woman could sense that, and had no problem in slowing things down.

"Yeah. Sleep would be great," she placed her hand on Kara's, her fingers moving in lazy circles.

"I'll give you something to change into, while you shower," she gestured towards the bathroom, "So shorts or pants?"

_Neither._ "Shorts are fine."

Lena peeped into the room from the bathroom - Kara was nowhere to be seen; instead, there was a pile of clean clothes neatly placed at the edge of the bed and a small piece of paper which looked like a note. Wrapped in a fluffy towel, she made a few shy steps towards the bed and took the piece of paper in her hand.

_Taking a shower in another bathroom, so we don't have to take turns, and you won’t have to wait for me long:) Go to bed, I'll be there shortly. xxx, K._

Lena caught herself smiling. Who leaves notes about taking a shower. Kara, of course. Kara did everything to make sure Lena was comfortable. The whole thing was still overwhelming for Lena, as she has never thought that a relationship could be that...easy?

She changed into a pair of sleeping shorts and an old t-shirt and slipped under the sheets. As soon as her head hit the pillow, she was enveloped in the sweet smell of lavender. It didn't matter how much she tried to stay awake and wait for Kara, she was rapidly drifting to sleep, feeling warm, and safe, and for what seemed the first time in her life - completely relaxed.

Lena thought she felt warmness around her body as if someone was cuddling her from behind. She couldn't tell if she was dreaming or if it was really happening. She felt an arm snaking around her midsection, moving up her belly and in between her breasts. She felt an open palm placed on her chest as if to cover her heart.

It was a few moments later, when something started to feel odd. Lena realized that she was no longer feeling the warmth radiating from Kara's body. She could still feel Kara's presence, but her limbs felt cold and heavy on Lena's body.

"Kara?" she whispered through her sleep. There was no reply. Lena was trying to focus on reality and wake up. She focused on Kara's breathing, and her heart skipped a beat - Kara's chest, pressed to her back, was not moving, there were no puffs of air coming out of her nose, buried into the crook of Lena's neck. The brunette turned around in a jumping motion, focusing her vision in the dark, and reaching to the woman beside her.

"Kara?" she carefully touched her shoulder. She didn't reply. Lena moved closer - Kara was laying stone still. The panic was increasing and shutting down Lena's senses one by one. She was grabbing any part of Kara's body that she could reach only to find it cold and lifeless.

  
_No no no no no._ This can't be happening. She was shaking the blonde now, tears rushing down her face. It was happening - no matter how loud she screamed her name, no matter how hard she was trying to shake the woman awake - she was not coming back to life.

Kara was smiling in her sleep when she heard the woman in her arms screaming her name. She jerked back to reality instantly. Lena's heart was racing under her palm, and her body was shaking. Kara hugged her tight and whispered in her ear, "Lena. Lena, wake up, you are having a bad dream."

The woman didn't seem to hear her - falling deeper into the nightmare. Kara reached the nightstand and turned on the lamp. She turned Lena carefully onto her back and started to move her hands up and down the brunette's arms, placing kisses on her face.

"Lena. It's just a dream. Please wake up." She kissed her carefully on her lips and squeezed her shoulders tight, "Come back to me."

She heard a loud inhale and looked down at Lena coming back to her senses. Her eyes were glossy, and she looked disoriented. When their eyes met, the brunet jerked into a sitting position, interrupting whatever Kara was about to say, and taking her face in her hands, "Kara? Are you okay?!" she half screamed, half whined.

The blonde covered her hands with hers, and pressed their foreheads together, "Shh, Lena. Everything is okay. You had a bad dream," she whispered softly, "I'm okay. You're okay. I'm here. It was just a dream."

  
She was about to say something else to calm the woman when she felt a fierce kiss. She parted her lips slightly, giving Lena's hot tongue access to deepen the kiss. The brunette's mouth was hard on hers; her movements - chaotic, and somewhat desperate. Kara let herself be moved. She was lying on her back now with Lena straddling her hips, hot, open-mouthed kisses being placed up her neck.

Kara trailed her hands up Lena's thighs, but the next thing she felt were her wrists being caught by a tight grip and moved up to her head. Lena pressed her arms into the sheets and nipped her bottom lip, gaining a gasp from the blonde.

The sound made her pull back and focus on Kara's face for the first time since she awoke from her nightmare. The blonde's hair was a mess; lips swollen from bruising kisses. Her arms were trapped above her head. Her chest was moving up and down, and her pupils were blown wide.

That would have been sexy had it not been terrifying. Lena let go of her wrists and moved her hand to rest on Kara's collarbones. She sighed, "Why are you letting me do this?"

Kara's eyes fastened on her lips as she spoke. She vaguely became aware of the heat of her core. She wanted more than anything to able to explain to Lena that there was nothing wrong in her slightly - very - aggressive pace. Truth be told, it did things to Kara.

Lena's eyes were wide, cheeks bright pink; however, Kara could see the worry in her gaze. She realized then that the better way would be to show, not tell. She brought herself back to the sitting position. She and Lena were face to face now. Kara took the brunette’s hands in hers and moved them under her shirt - up her sides, "Because you need this."

Lena's breath hitched, "Wh–" She felt Kara's hands guided hers to cup the blonde's breasts. "Are you sure?"

In reply, Kara let her hands go and moved to grab the hem of her own shirt. She carefully studied Lena's face while pulling it up and away, dropping the piece of fabric on the floor. "I'm yours, Lena. I need you."

  
The building anxiety was washing away with the feeling of pure bliss that invaded Lena's heart, and she found it absolutely impossible to prevent it from spreading all over her body. She moved closer to Kara and captured her mouth in a sweet, slow, and tender kiss. Unconsciously Kara's arms wined around Lena's neck and into her hair, scratching lightly at her scalp.

With her hand still cupping Kara's breasts, Lena pushed her ever so slightly, so her back hit the bed again. The blonde's hands moved down Lena's back and squeezed her ass, dragging a moan out of the woman.

  
And suddenly everything became so very simple. It would be fine, as long as they were in this together - everything would be just fine. Lena was finally able to let go of her fear of hurting Kara, and for the first time in her life, enjoy the feeling of being touched and loved, and the ability to love back.

What is it like to be happy? For Lena Luthor it was to be with Kara Danvers. And for Kara Danvers it was to be with Lena Luthor. Because whatever was happening in the world around them, they both knew that they had each other always. Whatever obstacle was facing them, they could just hold each other’s hand tighter and say - _We're going to deal with this together. Fuck it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a wrap, folks!
> 
> I want to thank everyone who was following this story, especially those who were leaving encouraging comments here and on Tumblr. That was my first experience in writing fanfiction, and I only got that far because of you.
> 
> I got a lot of drafts waiting to be finished, so feel free to share what you would like to see next. I'll consider your wishes in further works.
> 
> [Yell at me](https://sepphoraeverill.tumblr.com)
> 
> Best,  
Seph


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